Manequin Shopping.

For the record, this is not my original idea. It actually belongs to what I consider to be a great and original writer in Chuck Klosterman, who I wholeheartedly suggest you check out if you like to read at all. That said, this is the story of how I finally find something remotely fashionable to wear.

I do not give a flying fuck about fashion. I do hope I look good, and honestly I think the clothes I do wear I pull off. However I give about ten seconds of thought when I shop for clothes, if I shop at all. As many friends can attest, I rarely go outside the comfort zone of white or black generic t-shirt, jeans (or my favorite washed out black pants) and that's about it. On rare occasions I will go with a long sleeve collared shirt (what I consider my 'Frat Guy' shirt). But today is my birthday, and I would like to particularly fresh and honestly while I always think I look good, I've been told that my sense of style can be somewhat...lacking.

My solution? Go to places that actually put time and thought into who they are dressing. In every clothing store there are mannequins put on display to catch every one's eye. While perhaps you may think of getting that one shirt, or pants or hoodie, what if you just took the whole ensemble? And if you put as little thought into dressing yourself as I do, what would the reaction be if all of a sudden you look like you came out looking like you actually represent a whole line of clothing? Thus, my trip to go mannequin shopping at the mall begins.

State College has a relatively shitty mall when compared to anything Philadelphia, Pittsburgh or even Altoona. Styles are pretty limited, and while I don't mind the whole idea of being someone else, I still don't feel like representing the douche bags that blare out logos on their shirts like Abercrombie or American Eagle. It's lame, it's old and most of all, everyone in the town seems to think blaring out their status on a shirt is the coolest thing in the world. I would actually prefer if no one knew where I got my clothes and instead just looked at me for me. As I look at the mannequins in AE, Gap, and Aeropostale, all look like absolute douche bags to me. They don't have a dumb ass blowout on their head but with the clothes they're dressed in, they honestly want me give up. I glance at Hot Topic, but there is so much black on their mannequins that I get depressed just looking at the shop. Pac Sun seems to have some color, and looks the least douchey model that I can tell, and more obvious to me, a very cute little brunette to help me with my mission.

"Hello, can I help you?"
"Why absolutely, can I have that?" I say, pointing in the direction of the mannequin repping a white hoodie, blue shirt, white undershirt, jeans, hat, straight pants, and other assorted doodads.
"The hoodie?"
"No, all of it."
"Excuse me?"
" I would like everything that mannequin is wearing...if you please"
"Um...that may be a problem."
"Why is that?" I ask, perfectly perplexed as to why I could not purchase the clothes that were on said mannequin.
"Well, those clothes are mediums....and you are not."

This had not occurred to me. I am not the average male height, nor weight. Mannequin's are models, and they are meant to be closer to that average, an almost ideological model to be exact. This is an obstacle to my mission.

"Can I ask you why you need those clothes?"

I explain the situation, her face light's up, she is interested in this idea (who wouldn't be?).

"How about you just dress me? I'll trust you, you do whatever you like."

She leads me around the shop, she picks up pants, that in all honesty I doubt I can fit into, and a small vest(i don't fit into mediums...you thought that small was a good idea?) but I try them all on for her. She looks, me over, decides what works and what doesn't. I am the guinea pig of 6'3 California fashion in Pennsylvania.

She settles on a purple flannel, a black v-neck undershirt, and straight jeans. It's simple, it's flashy and yet not to the point of overbearing. I love it. With one exception. One of my best friends from work already has the shirt and rocks it well. He will be at my birthday celebration, and I can only imagine the comments that would ensue with me being a doppelganger, an imitator to his original style. That would blow. I suggest that I need an alternate. I am handed a blue flannel with white undershirt. Acceptable.

At the party, I mention the plan to only a few friends. The plan is to see what kind of reaction I would get, if any at all. One hole in my plan is the fact that it is my birthday. I do get more compliments than I think would be typical, but on a birthday, it's a difficult judge.

However following the birthday I begin to wear the original purple flannel (with full disclosure to my friend about the mannequin etc.) and the effect is profound. First, the girls think I look much better, and say so. All of my guy friends think I look infinitely more gay and say so. The fact that I'm single at this moment time lets me tune out the quips and taunts from my guy friends, as I'm much more interested in catching the attention of the opposite sex.

I've kept all the clothes, and to be honest, recommend trying this experience at lease once. I'd especially like to hear from some one who can pull off mediums. Sorry for the wait on a new post. Moving kept me without my computer and Internet for some time.

The Not So Epic, and Yet So Epic Night.

From time to time, they just occur. Most are not planned. But for some reason there will always be a story behind it. They may or may not involve alcohol, (leaning toward the 'may' side) or involve random bad ideas (again probably) and usually includes a group of roughly 3-6 people. This night has some memories, and though the images have faded slightly with time, they're still very vivid in feeling.

This was one of those times. This was Tequila night.

Drinking games exist through out the world, because, well games are 10 times more fun with a buzz. Drinking is supposed to be fun, and if you aren't having fun, I'd suggest not doing it. This particular night, I'm attempting to do a night of unparalleled drinking fun. Myself and my friend Mac are going to watch "The Big Lebowski" and attempt to drink a shot of tequila every single time they say the word 'dude'. Some of our other friends come as way, not to participate but to just watch. I thought this was peculiar since I thought this idea was fantastic.

I had not seen the movie in some time...

In the opening scene they say the word dude 3 times in less than 30 seconds. That's 1 shot every 10 seconds. That will make any one's stomach quiver a little, I don't care how much you fancy yourself a drinker. In the first 10 minutes I'm probably close to ten shots, and now even as I slow my pace to a crawl, I can't take back those first ten. This was a foolish idea, but now, I feel fun, I feel invincible, and I am alive. And I cannot wait to start dancing.

I cannot wait to dance because Mac is fading, he is tapping out, he has to throw up. I claim victory as Tequila night champ, I begin to shake, and Mac is unhappy with these actions. Somewhat playfully, very much drunk-ily, he shoves my dancing ass. I was not much for balance at this stage and promptly fall over laughing. Mac wants to go to the bar, at least he thinks he does. I want no such thing, however I do apparently want go home. Thankfully my friends settled me down and without much effort convinced me to just sleep on a comfortable (then) blanket.

The next morning, I awake on a shitty (now) blanket on the floor. I am told of my actions the night before, (and shown via video camera) and I again laugh. I allegedly had attempted to help my buddy up the steps to his room as he was unable to make it by himself. We all agree we shall not attempt anything of this nature again, (though we would later attempt the Rambo challenge issued by a Co-Worker within a year) and agree that while it was fun night for sure last night the hangover we are currently facing makes us all want to do nothing but lay down on very comfortable beds.

Watching the Jersey Shore. Oh My God, What The Fuck.

Guilty. I plead guilty. There are some shows you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that are just trash. And sometimes you just can't help it. You have to see if there is really is a reason that millions upon millions of people are tuning in to this show.

So I caved. I broke down and picked up the On Demand menu and hit the play over Jersey Shore. It both was and was not what I suspected. It is over the top, and yes the people in the house are very, very much wrapped up in their own drama. They often appear to fail how their interactions with other people affects people they say they love. They are also very unapologetic about it. Anyone that talks any kind of smack about the crew is labeled a hater, or jealous.

Think about the personalities that typically drive a reality show at any level. For the most part, these people love the camera, they love the spotlight on themselves. Shit, half the people on American Idol suck horribly at singing yet after getting kicked out in the first round, the contestants will whine and moan that they ARE good enough and deserve more time.

In the 'Jersey Shore' we get hit with personalities that think so much of themselves it's almost preposterous. Right upon meeting all of them, you notice that ALL are just completely confident in themselves, most people would think a little bit too much. This is pretty much the overriding context of the entire show.

The results of acting with such narcissism? Drama at almost every turn. Things go shitty in a hurry. Almost immediately, someone will become jealous due to lack of attention, or even just a perceived lack of attention. They will then act this out, by talking about themselves in some flattering manner, parading in underwear(Snookie) or lifting up their shirt (Situation.)

Eventually you end up disliking most, if not at all characters at one point or another. Ronnie for getting into a fight, (though to be honest, I am betting there were a fair amount of douche bags yelling at him for no other reason than there was a camera near by. Look, if you aren't part of the show, don't try to get on by being a fucking clown.) Situation for constantly creeping, Vinny for running his mouth and also playing girls, Snookie for being so dramatic and always needing attention, and so on.

But,

You also secretly root for them. You root for them to get it. That they do act like ass holes from time to time. That yes you should have fun, but don't aim to do so at the expense of someone else. Girls are not some commodity, and neither are guys. In some parts you think one might have turned the corner, maybe they'll be a reasonable human being for the rest of the series only to be proven wrong over and over again.




That's the unfunny version of why it has redeeming value. But if you don't find the Jersey Shore Shore funny, you may have to re-think your sense of humor. The irony that it wasn't just the characters that were on the show that were living up to the stereotype, but the surrounding crowd as well. From random girls calling each other sluts on the street, to the guy who actually hit a girl, the scum in the series was in no way limited to just the main characters.

All in all, I guiltily admit I enjoyed it. It's not high brow, it's at time brutal to watch as any random reality show on VH1, but their is a certain uniqueness to this group that separates it from any predecessor.

Minds on Baseball....

So i was listening to the whole argument about why pitching seems to be taking over this year. Specifically young pitching it seems. While everyone seems to blame in part PED's have probably in part kept the ball in the park a bit more, I was wondering about the effect of not having PED's in the game now has effected players confidence.

For example. If a young pitcher is coming into the league, and he KNOWS some of these guys are so juiced up they're gonna knock the ball all over the field I'm guessing he's a little bit more timid.
OR has a standard amount of confidence that no matter what he would win even if they are.

Since the removal of PED's, now would a pitcher gain more of advantage mentally? Would he now think now that the hitter has lost something, or at the very least he believes the playing field is more balanced?

Conversely, have batters taken a hit to their confidence, knowing they can't juice? How dependent were certain hitters to that drug? If these athletes were using regular, than they developed at least in some way a habit. By the Major Leagues disrupting this habit, or at least attempting to, they have probably disrupted many players routines. I doubt that the breaking of that routine would send waves of confidence rushing in.

My basic theory is this. Since disrupted PED rules have come into effect, Pitchers, especially young ones, are more confident and successful.

While hitters, specifically aging ones, are by and large less confident, and less successful.