Manequin Shopping.

For the record, this is not my original idea. It actually belongs to what I consider to be a great and original writer in Chuck Klosterman, who I wholeheartedly suggest you check out if you like to read at all. That said, this is the story of how I finally find something remotely fashionable to wear.

I do not give a flying fuck about fashion. I do hope I look good, and honestly I think the clothes I do wear I pull off. However I give about ten seconds of thought when I shop for clothes, if I shop at all. As many friends can attest, I rarely go outside the comfort zone of white or black generic t-shirt, jeans (or my favorite washed out black pants) and that's about it. On rare occasions I will go with a long sleeve collared shirt (what I consider my 'Frat Guy' shirt). But today is my birthday, and I would like to particularly fresh and honestly while I always think I look good, I've been told that my sense of style can be somewhat...lacking.

My solution? Go to places that actually put time and thought into who they are dressing. In every clothing store there are mannequins put on display to catch every one's eye. While perhaps you may think of getting that one shirt, or pants or hoodie, what if you just took the whole ensemble? And if you put as little thought into dressing yourself as I do, what would the reaction be if all of a sudden you look like you came out looking like you actually represent a whole line of clothing? Thus, my trip to go mannequin shopping at the mall begins.

State College has a relatively shitty mall when compared to anything Philadelphia, Pittsburgh or even Altoona. Styles are pretty limited, and while I don't mind the whole idea of being someone else, I still don't feel like representing the douche bags that blare out logos on their shirts like Abercrombie or American Eagle. It's lame, it's old and most of all, everyone in the town seems to think blaring out their status on a shirt is the coolest thing in the world. I would actually prefer if no one knew where I got my clothes and instead just looked at me for me. As I look at the mannequins in AE, Gap, and Aeropostale, all look like absolute douche bags to me. They don't have a dumb ass blowout on their head but with the clothes they're dressed in, they honestly want me give up. I glance at Hot Topic, but there is so much black on their mannequins that I get depressed just looking at the shop. Pac Sun seems to have some color, and looks the least douchey model that I can tell, and more obvious to me, a very cute little brunette to help me with my mission.

"Hello, can I help you?"
"Why absolutely, can I have that?" I say, pointing in the direction of the mannequin repping a white hoodie, blue shirt, white undershirt, jeans, hat, straight pants, and other assorted doodads.
"The hoodie?"
"No, all of it."
"Excuse me?"
" I would like everything that mannequin is wearing...if you please"
"Um...that may be a problem."
"Why is that?" I ask, perfectly perplexed as to why I could not purchase the clothes that were on said mannequin.
"Well, those clothes are mediums....and you are not."

This had not occurred to me. I am not the average male height, nor weight. Mannequin's are models, and they are meant to be closer to that average, an almost ideological model to be exact. This is an obstacle to my mission.

"Can I ask you why you need those clothes?"

I explain the situation, her face light's up, she is interested in this idea (who wouldn't be?).

"How about you just dress me? I'll trust you, you do whatever you like."

She leads me around the shop, she picks up pants, that in all honesty I doubt I can fit into, and a small vest(i don't fit into mediums...you thought that small was a good idea?) but I try them all on for her. She looks, me over, decides what works and what doesn't. I am the guinea pig of 6'3 California fashion in Pennsylvania.

She settles on a purple flannel, a black v-neck undershirt, and straight jeans. It's simple, it's flashy and yet not to the point of overbearing. I love it. With one exception. One of my best friends from work already has the shirt and rocks it well. He will be at my birthday celebration, and I can only imagine the comments that would ensue with me being a doppelganger, an imitator to his original style. That would blow. I suggest that I need an alternate. I am handed a blue flannel with white undershirt. Acceptable.

At the party, I mention the plan to only a few friends. The plan is to see what kind of reaction I would get, if any at all. One hole in my plan is the fact that it is my birthday. I do get more compliments than I think would be typical, but on a birthday, it's a difficult judge.

However following the birthday I begin to wear the original purple flannel (with full disclosure to my friend about the mannequin etc.) and the effect is profound. First, the girls think I look much better, and say so. All of my guy friends think I look infinitely more gay and say so. The fact that I'm single at this moment time lets me tune out the quips and taunts from my guy friends, as I'm much more interested in catching the attention of the opposite sex.

I've kept all the clothes, and to be honest, recommend trying this experience at lease once. I'd especially like to hear from some one who can pull off mediums. Sorry for the wait on a new post. Moving kept me without my computer and Internet for some time.